


Night of the Living Underwear

by Starbooks13



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asgard has no nudity taboo, Community: avengerkink, Crack, Gen, Inspired by my weird real life, Loki Does What He Wants, Sentient Undergarments, Tony is a troll, poor steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 14:05:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbooks13/pseuds/Starbooks13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the title says it all, Thor and Tony have no sense of shame, and Steve gets easily flustered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night of the Living Underwear

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a cracky self-fill for avengerkink inspired by me actually saying Thor's line regarding ill will towards underwear. *beat* My life is bizarre sometimes, okay?

                Steve sighed as he surveyed the ruins of Stark Tower’s communal living floor. There were scortch marks and scraps of fabric everywhere, not to mention almost all the furniture plus the TV was smashed. He knew the rest of the place didn't look much better. "Okay team, I think they're all gone."

                "You said that five minutes ago," Tony's voice came from behind the bar in the corner, which was one of the few structures in the room still standing. "And then Natasha's bras came out of the ceiling and tried to strangle us."

                The female Avenger in question just shrugged. "What did you expect? They are mine." She was dressed in a silky, extremely short black bathrobe that left very little to the imagination, and Steve was trying _very_ hard not to look at her. Although, the rest of them didn’t look any better. Steve himself was in a blue terrycloth bathrobe, holding his shield in one hand. 

                "Y'know, 'Tash, I always thought you had killer lingerie, but this is ridiculous." Clint was sitting on what used to be the couch, wearing a pair of jeans and his quiver, but nothing else, bow in hand. Unlike Steve, he was looking at Natasha—but that was probably just to avoid getting an eyeful of Thor. Nudity was apparently not a cultural taboo in Asgard. "I mean, seriously, who enchants people's underwear to try to kill them?"

                "Come now, friends, let us not be so petty!" Thor boomed, and Steve pointedly studied the pattern on his shield. "This was all Loki's doing, after all. I bear no ill will towards my undergarments. They were my brother's innocent pawns." 

                A snort came from behind the bar. "Innocent my currently naked ass," Tony said, finally standing up. "Those things were vicious." He walked around to stand with the others, and Steve resisted the impulse to close his eyes. The others would never let him live it down if he did. Besides, at least Tony was wearing a towel, although he still seemed way too comfortable with near-nudity. Tony surveyed the damage with dismay. "Thor, remind me to kick the ever-living crap out of your brother the next time we see him. Do you know how much it's going to cost to repair the tower?"

                "Or how much it's going to cost to replace all our underwear, for that matter?" Clint chimed in. "I mean, seriously, I just bought new boxers!"

                "Oh, save it for someone who cares, Barton," Tony said, before turning to size up Steve. He smirked. "Nice bathrobe, Cap."

                Fortunately Steve's comm beeped at that moment, saving him from further taunts. He quickly answered it. "Rogers here."

                "We've got Banner," Coulson replied smoothly. "He had almost finished calming down by the time we got there. Although we're going to have to do quite a bit of work to keep the evening news rated PG."

                Steve sighed in relief. "Well, at least you found him. Situation's under control here, for the most part." He frowned at the destruction. "Let's just say I pity Tony's contractors, and leave it at that."

                "I've already spoken to Miss Potts, and she's working on solving your...problem. She says she should have adequate replacements by tomorrow evening." Steve swore he heard amusement in the SHIELD agent's voice. "She'll be over in an hour with some things for Stark."

                "Thanks, Coulson. Keep us updated. Rogers out." Steve turned to the others. "They found Bruce, and Pepper says the, ah, shortage problem should be solved by tomorrow evening. She's coming over in an hour with stuff for you, Tony."

                Tony shrugged. "I don't see why she's bothering. She knows I go commando sometimes."

                Steve felt his face heating up. Natasha wrinkled her nose, and Clint slapped his hands over his eyes. "Damnit, Stark, I did _not_ need that picture in my head right now."

                "But you'd like it some other time?" Tony asked with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

                "Tony, cut it out," Steve ordered, a little flustered. "Look, it's getting late. Let's just all turn in, and," he grew more flustered at the thought of what would happen in the morning. "W-well, we'll just have to put up with things until the delivery."

                He turned around to head up to his room and promptly got an eyeful of Thor before he could shut his eyes. "And Thor, for God's sakes, cover up!"

                He could hear Tony and Clint snickering behind him, and he groaned. This was going to be a _long_ 24 hours.


End file.
